Saturday, August 20, 2011

Jimmy Cracked Corn (Over Your Effin Head)

   My head has been in a very dark place lately. That's the only way to describe it. Regardless, I'm going to try to keep this blog as interesting and educational as possible for you, my dear readers. Part of the reason why I started this blog in the first place is because A) I fancy myself a writer. And I'm not the only one; I've written countless stories and poems, songs and even a novel and a couple of compilations of short stories that people have read, loved, or hated. B) I hate the fact that some people I know live the most boring lives ever and document them via the internet and try to push them on everyone else, like a coke dealer in a back alley trying to make the rent. "Hey, man, I've got an 8 ball for ya! I know you're not interested, but..."

   I think if I had been born in another century, I would've been burned at the stake as a witch, mostly because I like to dabble and study up on occult practices that make most people cringe. I don't believe in that happy-slappy, dancing-through-fields-and-asking-Mother-Nature's-permission-to-pick-a-leaf bullshit either. I believe in serving yourself, not being apologetic about it, and stepping on anybody's toes who gets in your way.

   Floating cinders spread fast, and so will word of how much of a bitch I am here, I'm sure.

   Bottom line, I'm going to do my best not to bore you with what my nail polish collection consists of, or the fact that I collect a certain type of purse, or the fact that I like to bake fattening foods to stuff between my fat jowls.

   My jowls are not fat, I don't like to bake, I don't have a nail polish collection, and I don't collect certain types of purses. That was a stab against someone I know who keeps the most horseshit excuse of a blog ever. I read it at work when I'm bored and I have nothing better to do but laugh at how pathetic she is and how she thinks the whole world is fascinated with every detail of her lowly, domesticated existence.

   No, I will be telling you how I feel about certain topics on a daily basis. I will not sugar-coat anything. I speak my mind about religion, politics, people, society, music, movies, and life in general. I hope you're prepared. If not, feel free not to read this. It won't hurt my feelings either way.

   But for those of you who are brave enough to listen and commiserate with me, welcome. Let's talk about something interesting. This blog may end up being a big collection of rejected editorials. That was my favorite thing about journalism in high school, and my teacher thought if she published what I wrote, I would seem "pathetic to my fellow students". Really, she was just afraid of being brutally honest and didn't want me to have the luxury of doing so either. So fuck her. Among others.

   Feel free to give me suggestions about stuff you'd like me to talk about, although I have a feeling I'm going to never run out of things to talk about. I'm a very opinionated person, you see. And I don't consider my opinions to be any more correct or "right" than anyone else's.

   I just have way more balls than your dad probably does, that's all.


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