Friday, December 16, 2011

The Scourge of Social Networking

   I'm going to be blogging a hell of a lot more from now on, friends and neighbors. I will have much more time to devote to writing now that I've de-activated Facebook for awhile. I enjoy Facebook very much. Keeping track of friends and family that I never get to see, college buddies that I'll probably NEVER see again, and seeing what my old elementary school teachers are up to---yeah, it's all fine and dandy.

   However, let's face it---Facebook and other social networking sites allow us to be lazy and unattached to reality. I know that I have Facebook, therefore I don't make a special effort to call anyone. Probably the only four people on the planet I call now are my best friend, my boyfriend, my mother, and my father. I barely use any of the minutes allotted to me each month through my wireless plan, and why? Because I've grown lethargic with speaking to people as though they are something besides pixellations on a computer screen.

   Also, I'm not comfortable with the fact that everyone on the internet could potentially have access to everything I've put on Facebook. I'm a very risque person. I say lots of inappropriate things at inappropriate times. It's just who I am, and who I've allowed myself to become. I have to watch what I say especially now that I'm looking for another job. I don't want potential employers being able to hack into Facebook and seeing me talk about cuntwaffles and wienerdoodling up the ass, even in jest. Unless you know me personally, you can never truly understand my sense of humor.

   So until this all blows over, my Facebook is currently de-activated. And it may stay that way forever, I'm not quite sure. I really want to see how many people make efforts to try to contact me in REAL life now that my virtual reality has a lock on the door. I bet not many people will make an effort at all, and that's just fine.

   I never needed them anyway.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Happy Birfday, Mr. Mojo Risin'...

   Today is Jim Morrison's 68th birthday. I'm one of the many who believe he is still alive, and that he did not die of a heroin overdose in France in 1971. So every year around this time, I like to think about him, play his music a little more than usual, and contemplate how much of a brilliant, sensitive soul he was. So here's a few of my favorite quotes by him, courtesy of

"Where's your will to be weird?"

"Being drunk is a good disguise. I drink so I can talk to assholes. This includes me."

"The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a give up your ability to feel and in exchange, put on a mask."

"The most loving parents and relatives commit murder with smiles on their faces. They force us to destroy the person we really are; a subtle kind of murder."

"Whoever controls the media, controls the mind."

"Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free."

Because of you, Mr. Morrison, we can be free. Thank you for that gift. I hope you are sincerely happy and content, wherever you are.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

American Care Bear Nation

   When I first discovered that American Horror Story was going to be debuted on FX, I nearly shit myself with Glee (pardon the pun). I wasn't expecting too much from it, but the thought of a horror show with sex, violence, and all the unclean spirits you could possibly ask for coming to a channel OTHER than HBO or Skinemax? Yes, please.

   Maybe I'm a desensitized shit, but I thought last week's "Piggy Piggy" episode with the so-called "re-enactment" of the Columbine shootings was necessary. I never thought there was going to be such a ruckus involved with that epi; although I probably should've, due to the fact that we are living in a country that begs to be censored even though people parade around, waving the "I want free speech" flag every five seconds.

   Since we haven't completely gotten through the first season of AHS yet, I can't really say what the writers' intentions were. But coming from a writer's perspective, I can understand why it was necessary. In order to show the duality of Tate Langdon's character, which I have a feeling is going to especially come into play in a few episodes from now, the true horror of what he did to those high school students had to be shown, in graphic detail. We can't really hate him or love him without knowing all parts of his character, no?

   And don't get me wrong, I can see why some people who were close to the Columbine incident could be a little upset by this particular scene. That's like me watching a tv show that has a car accident in it, and if I had been in a car accident before, and it was particularly traumatic...yeah, I wouldn't want to see a car accident.

   But for everybody else to get their panties in a twist over creative license...jeezum crow. We're definitely living in a Care Bear nation where people get offended over all the wrong shit. We currently have television that glorifies biker gangs (Sons of Anarchy), worships the idea of a 'nice' serial killer (Dexter), and now a show where a ghost is in love with a chick and he happened to shoot some kids at his high school when he was alive (AHS). So what's the difference between the three? All three could be considered 'bad'. So why is one worse than the other?

  They're not. It's all about perspective. My perspective says, fuck yeah, Tate Langdon. I want to know more about you and why you did what you did to those kids. Hell, they may have even deserved it. I'll keep my judgement to myself until further notice though, unlike the rest of America.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Power Corrupts in Weak Minds...

   I had the top part of my seat belt tucked under my arm when I pulled out of the parking lot of my place of employment on Friday. I was pulled over by two asshole state troopers, one being a patrolman in training and the other being his Field Training Officer. They wrote me a nearly $200 ticket for wearing my seat belt "improperly". I informed them politely that I had no idea it was illegal to wear the seat belt in the manner in which I had it, yet they wrote me a ticket anyway. Why? Because the rookie was anxious to cut his teeth writing tickets for stupid ass reasons, and the FTO was a dickhead trying to egg him on.

   This got me to thinking about how much power corrupts people with weak minds, and so here is tonight's topic. You can always tell a good leader/authority figure from a shitty one. Good ones have lots of power but use it wisely. They never make stupid decisions and allow themselves to get big heads because of their ability to ruin someone's day, much like mine was ruined on Friday. Most troopers I've met are so kind, so willing to overlook stupid mistakes that drivers make. These two were pricks, and they're not going to go very far in life or in the NCSHP because of their inability to look past the insignificant and worry about people who are ACTUALLY BREAKING THE FUCKING LAW. Like people who speed, and transport drugs from one state to another, and weave in and out of traffic with five bottles of whiskey on their breath. Not someone wearing a heavy winter coat who's trying to take the pressure of a seat belt off her neck and tits by tucking the top of it under her armpit WHILE IT'S FULLY ENGAGED AND CLICKED IN, SURROUNDING HER BODY PROTECTIVELY.

   As you can see, I'm still a bit bitter over this. I don't like not being in control of situations, like most people. It's human nature to be infuriated with authority figures who abuse their power. They know they can get away with doing whatever they want to you, so they do. They walk around in their suits and/or ties, smug expressions on their faces, knowing they can shit-can you from your job or write you a ticket or overcharge you for home owner's insurance, whatever.

   We are unable to do very much with people who abuse power who are over top of us on the societal food chain. All we can do is know that we are better than them, and people who are better are wiser, more informed, and end up having richer, fuller lives. That's little comfort in times of despair, but it's true and we need to cling to whatever we have in order to survive.


Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Voting. The Biggest Waste of Time Since Watching MTV.

   I probably won't be voting in the next presidential election, which is something I never thought I would do. Ever since I've been legally able to, I've always voted in each prez election, usually for the Democratic candidate in question. I always considered myself a Democrat until about a year or so ago, when I really started to delve deep into what most Democrats believe.

   Democrats tend to think our country is not for us. It's for illegal aliens who can go to college for free on our ticket, and even be provided cell phones to navigate their way into an already completely overpopulated space otherwise known as the USA. Democrats also usually throw my hard-earned tax dollars at lazy good-for-nothings who want to lay up and have about fifty children who they can use as tax write-offs. I pay for them to get their nails done, their hair done, and for their children to sit in shitty diapers and starve while I drive a junkier car than they do. They've become Capitalist-hating, economy-shredding social terrorists. That's not a scene I want to be a part of.

   Republicans are no better, though. They're so scared shitless of Americans having some sexual relations that they want to ban abortions all-together, even in cases of rape and incest (for a lot of them). They're God-fearing, science-ignorant, close-minded, war-hungry retards who think that gay people getting married is somehow going to infect them with AIDs, and maybe scare the rest of the country into "becoming gay" because it'll turn out that gay people have far more successful long-term relationships than us dumbass straight folks.

   So because I am a true MODERATE voter, there is no one for me to vote for. I feel strongly FOR abortions and FOR gay marriage, but I'm also strongly against ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS infiltrating our country and welfare/food stamps being given so freely to people who don't give a damn enough to get a job like me.

   I'm officially apathetic. This entire country is going to go to shit no matter who is in office, and I've sadly come to accept this.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Why Church and Church Folk Should Scare You

   Just because someone claims to be a "Christian" and attends church faithfully every Sunday morning and night does not make them a good person. I figured since Halloween is fast approaching in a few days, I'd offer a few safety tips for survival. This doesn't apply just for Halloween, but for all year long. This also involves spooks and specters that you probably won't be seeing anywhere on the streets dressed in costume. Not in your atypical Samhain attire, in any case.
   These people wear business suits, polo shirts, khakis, loafers, tennis shoes, glasses, closely cropped hair, and huge, shit-eating grins. They go to church whenever possible, do charity work, are in the Freemasons, love their parents, and some are even preachers.
   These people are not really people at all, you see, but monsters. They are the ones you should fear. At night they fantasize about rape, murder, molesting children, kidnapping, robbery, assault, and all types of bloodshed that baby Jesus would simply not approve of. But in their eyes, they can do no wrong---because they call themselves "Christians".
   Watch out for these people, because they are everywhere, infiltrating your schools, your workplace, and maybe even your home.
   Wolves in sheep's clothing...that is the red flag you should be watching out for this Halloween season, and all year long.

1) Beware preachers who spend too much time with little children. They are probably pedophiles.
2) Stay away from weird Southern "snake handler" churches. These usually turn out to be cults.
3) Don't believe everything someone tells you simply because they go to church.
4) Actions speak louder than words. If someone creeps you out and does creepy things, to hell with their "Christian" label. Get as far away from them as possible.
5) Just stay away from church period. Unless you want to die. Or unless you're attending a funeral, in which case someone's already dead, so I guess it doesn't matter at that point.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Top Ten Signs Someone You Know Needs to Get Laid...

10) Their conversation consists of, "And then I played Xbox for 30 hours straight over the weekend!"
9) A typical date night consists of playing Scrabble with their mom and dad.
8) WoW is not a game, it's a lifestyle, bitches.
7) They cook more than they eat what they've cooked. This results in thousands of Tupperware containers full of strange dishes piled around the kitchen and in the fridge.
6) They eat about a pound of chocolate a day, and it's not because they have a sweet tooth.
5) They're grouchy all the time. Even when watching something cheerful. Like cartoons.
4) When you make a "That's what she said!" joke, they don't get it.
3) When they think of snuggling in bed, they think of sleeping.
2) When someone of the opposite/same sex (depending on their preference) walks by in a tight t-shirt, they nearly jizz their pants.

And the number one sign someone you know needs to get laid...

1) The are starting to develop tell-tale calluses.

Yes, even women can get rough spots from double-clicking their mouse too much, so don't think I'm talking about just men here.