Friday, December 16, 2011

The Scourge of Social Networking

   I'm going to be blogging a hell of a lot more from now on, friends and neighbors. I will have much more time to devote to writing now that I've de-activated Facebook for awhile. I enjoy Facebook very much. Keeping track of friends and family that I never get to see, college buddies that I'll probably NEVER see again, and seeing what my old elementary school teachers are up to---yeah, it's all fine and dandy.

   However, let's face it---Facebook and other social networking sites allow us to be lazy and unattached to reality. I know that I have Facebook, therefore I don't make a special effort to call anyone. Probably the only four people on the planet I call now are my best friend, my boyfriend, my mother, and my father. I barely use any of the minutes allotted to me each month through my wireless plan, and why? Because I've grown lethargic with speaking to people as though they are something besides pixellations on a computer screen.

   Also, I'm not comfortable with the fact that everyone on the internet could potentially have access to everything I've put on Facebook. I'm a very risque person. I say lots of inappropriate things at inappropriate times. It's just who I am, and who I've allowed myself to become. I have to watch what I say especially now that I'm looking for another job. I don't want potential employers being able to hack into Facebook and seeing me talk about cuntwaffles and wienerdoodling up the ass, even in jest. Unless you know me personally, you can never truly understand my sense of humor.

   So until this all blows over, my Facebook is currently de-activated. And it may stay that way forever, I'm not quite sure. I really want to see how many people make efforts to try to contact me in REAL life now that my virtual reality has a lock on the door. I bet not many people will make an effort at all, and that's just fine.

   I never needed them anyway.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Happy Birfday, Mr. Mojo Risin'...

   Today is Jim Morrison's 68th birthday. I'm one of the many who believe he is still alive, and that he did not die of a heroin overdose in France in 1971. So every year around this time, I like to think about him, play his music a little more than usual, and contemplate how much of a brilliant, sensitive soul he was. So here's a few of my favorite quotes by him, courtesy of

"Where's your will to be weird?"

"Being drunk is a good disguise. I drink so I can talk to assholes. This includes me."

"The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a give up your ability to feel and in exchange, put on a mask."

"The most loving parents and relatives commit murder with smiles on their faces. They force us to destroy the person we really are; a subtle kind of murder."

"Whoever controls the media, controls the mind."

"Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free."

Because of you, Mr. Morrison, we can be free. Thank you for that gift. I hope you are sincerely happy and content, wherever you are.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

American Care Bear Nation

   When I first discovered that American Horror Story was going to be debuted on FX, I nearly shit myself with Glee (pardon the pun). I wasn't expecting too much from it, but the thought of a horror show with sex, violence, and all the unclean spirits you could possibly ask for coming to a channel OTHER than HBO or Skinemax? Yes, please.

   Maybe I'm a desensitized shit, but I thought last week's "Piggy Piggy" episode with the so-called "re-enactment" of the Columbine shootings was necessary. I never thought there was going to be such a ruckus involved with that epi; although I probably should've, due to the fact that we are living in a country that begs to be censored even though people parade around, waving the "I want free speech" flag every five seconds.

   Since we haven't completely gotten through the first season of AHS yet, I can't really say what the writers' intentions were. But coming from a writer's perspective, I can understand why it was necessary. In order to show the duality of Tate Langdon's character, which I have a feeling is going to especially come into play in a few episodes from now, the true horror of what he did to those high school students had to be shown, in graphic detail. We can't really hate him or love him without knowing all parts of his character, no?

   And don't get me wrong, I can see why some people who were close to the Columbine incident could be a little upset by this particular scene. That's like me watching a tv show that has a car accident in it, and if I had been in a car accident before, and it was particularly traumatic...yeah, I wouldn't want to see a car accident.

   But for everybody else to get their panties in a twist over creative license...jeezum crow. We're definitely living in a Care Bear nation where people get offended over all the wrong shit. We currently have television that glorifies biker gangs (Sons of Anarchy), worships the idea of a 'nice' serial killer (Dexter), and now a show where a ghost is in love with a chick and he happened to shoot some kids at his high school when he was alive (AHS). So what's the difference between the three? All three could be considered 'bad'. So why is one worse than the other?

  They're not. It's all about perspective. My perspective says, fuck yeah, Tate Langdon. I want to know more about you and why you did what you did to those kids. Hell, they may have even deserved it. I'll keep my judgement to myself until further notice though, unlike the rest of America.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Power Corrupts in Weak Minds...

   I had the top part of my seat belt tucked under my arm when I pulled out of the parking lot of my place of employment on Friday. I was pulled over by two asshole state troopers, one being a patrolman in training and the other being his Field Training Officer. They wrote me a nearly $200 ticket for wearing my seat belt "improperly". I informed them politely that I had no idea it was illegal to wear the seat belt in the manner in which I had it, yet they wrote me a ticket anyway. Why? Because the rookie was anxious to cut his teeth writing tickets for stupid ass reasons, and the FTO was a dickhead trying to egg him on.

   This got me to thinking about how much power corrupts people with weak minds, and so here is tonight's topic. You can always tell a good leader/authority figure from a shitty one. Good ones have lots of power but use it wisely. They never make stupid decisions and allow themselves to get big heads because of their ability to ruin someone's day, much like mine was ruined on Friday. Most troopers I've met are so kind, so willing to overlook stupid mistakes that drivers make. These two were pricks, and they're not going to go very far in life or in the NCSHP because of their inability to look past the insignificant and worry about people who are ACTUALLY BREAKING THE FUCKING LAW. Like people who speed, and transport drugs from one state to another, and weave in and out of traffic with five bottles of whiskey on their breath. Not someone wearing a heavy winter coat who's trying to take the pressure of a seat belt off her neck and tits by tucking the top of it under her armpit WHILE IT'S FULLY ENGAGED AND CLICKED IN, SURROUNDING HER BODY PROTECTIVELY.

   As you can see, I'm still a bit bitter over this. I don't like not being in control of situations, like most people. It's human nature to be infuriated with authority figures who abuse their power. They know they can get away with doing whatever they want to you, so they do. They walk around in their suits and/or ties, smug expressions on their faces, knowing they can shit-can you from your job or write you a ticket or overcharge you for home owner's insurance, whatever.

   We are unable to do very much with people who abuse power who are over top of us on the societal food chain. All we can do is know that we are better than them, and people who are better are wiser, more informed, and end up having richer, fuller lives. That's little comfort in times of despair, but it's true and we need to cling to whatever we have in order to survive.


Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Voting. The Biggest Waste of Time Since Watching MTV.

   I probably won't be voting in the next presidential election, which is something I never thought I would do. Ever since I've been legally able to, I've always voted in each prez election, usually for the Democratic candidate in question. I always considered myself a Democrat until about a year or so ago, when I really started to delve deep into what most Democrats believe.

   Democrats tend to think our country is not for us. It's for illegal aliens who can go to college for free on our ticket, and even be provided cell phones to navigate their way into an already completely overpopulated space otherwise known as the USA. Democrats also usually throw my hard-earned tax dollars at lazy good-for-nothings who want to lay up and have about fifty children who they can use as tax write-offs. I pay for them to get their nails done, their hair done, and for their children to sit in shitty diapers and starve while I drive a junkier car than they do. They've become Capitalist-hating, economy-shredding social terrorists. That's not a scene I want to be a part of.

   Republicans are no better, though. They're so scared shitless of Americans having some sexual relations that they want to ban abortions all-together, even in cases of rape and incest (for a lot of them). They're God-fearing, science-ignorant, close-minded, war-hungry retards who think that gay people getting married is somehow going to infect them with AIDs, and maybe scare the rest of the country into "becoming gay" because it'll turn out that gay people have far more successful long-term relationships than us dumbass straight folks.

   So because I am a true MODERATE voter, there is no one for me to vote for. I feel strongly FOR abortions and FOR gay marriage, but I'm also strongly against ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS infiltrating our country and welfare/food stamps being given so freely to people who don't give a damn enough to get a job like me.

   I'm officially apathetic. This entire country is going to go to shit no matter who is in office, and I've sadly come to accept this.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Why Church and Church Folk Should Scare You

   Just because someone claims to be a "Christian" and attends church faithfully every Sunday morning and night does not make them a good person. I figured since Halloween is fast approaching in a few days, I'd offer a few safety tips for survival. This doesn't apply just for Halloween, but for all year long. This also involves spooks and specters that you probably won't be seeing anywhere on the streets dressed in costume. Not in your atypical Samhain attire, in any case.
   These people wear business suits, polo shirts, khakis, loafers, tennis shoes, glasses, closely cropped hair, and huge, shit-eating grins. They go to church whenever possible, do charity work, are in the Freemasons, love their parents, and some are even preachers.
   These people are not really people at all, you see, but monsters. They are the ones you should fear. At night they fantasize about rape, murder, molesting children, kidnapping, robbery, assault, and all types of bloodshed that baby Jesus would simply not approve of. But in their eyes, they can do no wrong---because they call themselves "Christians".
   Watch out for these people, because they are everywhere, infiltrating your schools, your workplace, and maybe even your home.
   Wolves in sheep's clothing...that is the red flag you should be watching out for this Halloween season, and all year long.

1) Beware preachers who spend too much time with little children. They are probably pedophiles.
2) Stay away from weird Southern "snake handler" churches. These usually turn out to be cults.
3) Don't believe everything someone tells you simply because they go to church.
4) Actions speak louder than words. If someone creeps you out and does creepy things, to hell with their "Christian" label. Get as far away from them as possible.
5) Just stay away from church period. Unless you want to die. Or unless you're attending a funeral, in which case someone's already dead, so I guess it doesn't matter at that point.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Top Ten Signs Someone You Know Needs to Get Laid...

10) Their conversation consists of, "And then I played Xbox for 30 hours straight over the weekend!"
9) A typical date night consists of playing Scrabble with their mom and dad.
8) WoW is not a game, it's a lifestyle, bitches.
7) They cook more than they eat what they've cooked. This results in thousands of Tupperware containers full of strange dishes piled around the kitchen and in the fridge.
6) They eat about a pound of chocolate a day, and it's not because they have a sweet tooth.
5) They're grouchy all the time. Even when watching something cheerful. Like cartoons.
4) When you make a "That's what she said!" joke, they don't get it.
3) When they think of snuggling in bed, they think of sleeping.
2) When someone of the opposite/same sex (depending on their preference) walks by in a tight t-shirt, they nearly jizz their pants.

And the number one sign someone you know needs to get laid...

1) The are starting to develop tell-tale calluses.

Yes, even women can get rough spots from double-clicking their mouse too much, so don't think I'm talking about just men here.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Suspicion Keeps You Alive...

   There should be very few people on this planet whom you trust. If you trust more than ten people, you're probably a naive, ignorant buttmunch. Just sayin'.

   Most people want to see you fail. This is because most people, as a general whole, are a bunch of general a-holes. That is the truth, whether or not you choose to see it. People, for the most part, are uncreative, droll, boring, vindictive, and spiteful. They are spiteful because they are uncreative and droll and boring, and if you are the anti- of all of those adjectives, they will especially see you as a threat.

   So beware the bearers of bad news. Generally, they are trying to give you bad news because they want to ruffle your feathers. They want to see you upset because it is one of the only pleasures they have in life. Don't give them the satisfaction. Fight the haters at all cost. Drown them in their own hater-ade.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Insert Fabricated Image Here.

   Image is everything, or that is what we are told from a very young age. Women are pressured to stay thin, trim, fit, blonde, classy, manicured---and subservient. That is the image of "woman" to many people in our so-called "modern" society. People don't seem to realize that women can be more disgusting, taller, more crude, more violent, or more productive than some of their male counterparts.

   Men are supposed to be tall, muscular, clean-cut, intelligent, thoughtful, and all executives or lawyers. Then there's the stereotype of the ruggedly handsome "manly-man" who is a construction worker or demolition dude, and his washboard abs ripple under the beads of sweat collected on a hot summer day. People don't seem to realize that most construction workers (or at least, the ones around here) are dirty bums with less teeth than a Jack O' Lantern and they all smell like poo-bars.

   But a lot of people care what their image says about them, so they carefully construct one to fit their needs, or more than likely, the needs of those around them. They never figure out their true identity, and they're constantly wandering about aimlessly, hoping and praying behind clenched teeth that no one will ever ask them, "So tell me about yourself."

   It's like Katie Holmes' character in the movie Abandon says, "My self is very objective and constantly changing."

   She's not the only one.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Dead Baby Jokes (Minus the Jokes)

   Abortion is a very heated topic in this country, and probably in many countries around the world. I'm not even sure what the rules are in various countries concerning abortion, and I don't much care to bother with it at the moment because other countries' rules don't affect me at the present time.

   Anyway, there have been a lot of news stories on Yahoo lately about women killing their children. Abusing them in various ways; locking them in closets and torturing them because they were hungry or fussy, and even a case in North Carolina where a 16-year-old girl killed her baby and then hid it in a broom closet, conveniently leaving that small detail out when she reported it to the police.

   Most conservative people's religious views will not allow them to even consider having an abortion, nor condoning a loved one or even an acquaintance to have one (sometimes no matter how drastic the circumstances may be). A lot of abortion clinics have been blown up over the years, and it still remains a huge issue in this country despite the verdict of Roe vs. Wade and many Democrats' attempts to keep a woman's choice her actual, legitimate own choice.

   For those of you who say you'd never have an abortion and can't condone them, I ask you to ponder this little question: what difference does it make if a woman aborts her baby or abuses it and then kills it after it's born? Not much of a difference, really, except in the first scenario, the fetus is not tortured before it exits this world. I think the world would be a better place if people would just be rid of their children before they ever even become children.

   Crime rates would be down. There would be less child abuses cases and probably less murder and theft. A lot of children who are abused at a young age grow up to become delinquints and then full-blown criminals. What if they had never been born to start with?

   It's worth thinking about the next time you want to say something nasty to the girl next door who slipped up and got pregnant but is making the responsible decision to abort the pregnancy before the baby grows up and she beats her kid into a life of crime.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Human Waste Management

   I don't mind following rules, as long as they apply to everyone. But as soon as rules are only for me, that's when I start to get pissed off and shoot my middle finger to whoever dares to enforce said "rules". That's the thought for the day.

   If you are going to speak your mind and fight injustice in your world, whether it's a high phone bill that you feel you shouldn't pay because the taxes are too damn high or food that sucks so you complain to the cashier at McDonald's, you are going to face some serious opposition. In this world, people want you to sit back and let them rape you right up the ass with a splintered two by four. Most sheep-like idiots are perfectly content with letting the world do this to them. Those of us who stand alone, who fight alone, and who roam the confines of this prison otherwise known as life---we know better.

   But no matter how much people try to bring you down, you have to fight for what you believe in. Even if you're the only person on the planet who thinks that you are correct, that's enough. Nobody else came out of the womb but you when you were born (unless you were a twin), and nobody will be buried with you in your coffin when you die (unless someone tries to rob your grave and then is caught and killed and tossed in your coffin to dispose of evidence). You have to live life for yourself.

   If the price you pay is being ostracized by everybody because you don't like being treated like shit at work or school, or you don't like how loud your neighbors blast their surround sound speakers through the wall to cover up the horrible animal-esque sounds of their be it. Someday, you will find someone, or maybe even several someones...a group of non-conformist someones...who will accept you for who you are, listen to your problems, and fight the good fight with you.

   So fight the good fight. Never give in.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

It's Almost That Time Again!

   Ahhh, yes. My favorite time of year (next to the beginning of summer). When the leaves begin to change, the weather gets slightly cooler to the point where jeans are more comfortable than shorts, and it's perfectly OK to grab a light jacket in the morning or later in the evening.

   I love fall. I hate winter, but I do love fall, spring, and summer. Fall ushers in one of my favorite holidays ever; my Christmas, aka Halloween. I fucking love Halloween. I always have, ever since I was a child. My father comes from religious crazy parents and he attempts to be fanatically God-stupid every now and then, so I wasn't allowed to trick-or-treat until my parents divorced. I wasn't allowed to even think about Halloween. But now I think about it all the time, even when it's not time for it to officially be here by the calendar on my wall.

   But the Spirit Halloween store is now officially open, and I've already started buying items there. I bought a studded headband the other week, and just this past weekend a life-size Freddy Krueger poster for my bedroom window. Although, I'm thinking I may just put it on the inside of my bathroom window since I don't have blinds there anymore. I'm not a fan of anyone watching me shower or wipe my ass.

   This is the perfect time of the year to buy makeup, earrings, and clothing that normally aren't sold for weirdos like me...and possibly you, since you are reading this, after all. And in about another month, nothing but scary movies will be on TV non-stop! A new TV show is also premiering on FX on October 5th called American Horror Story. I hope it will be good. I don't watch much TV, and it would be nice to know there's a new show I could follow. The question is, will it continue on after Halloween is over? If it's any good, I sure hope so.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

...And I Feel Fine...

   So it is officially September 11th, 2011---a decade after the terrible tragedy that needs no further explanation. America is running rampant with paranoia, per the usual. I could be wrong, but I honestly don't think any terrorist attacks are going to take place in America today. No more than usual, anyway. But, today brings an interesting topic that needs perusing.

   Armageddon. Do you believe in it or not?

   Many so-called "Christians" do. Just pick up a copy of the King James Version sometime and flip through Revelations (my favorite chapter of the Bible, PS). It's all about the end of the world, or what people perceive to be the end of the world. Fire, brimstone, demons, the Anti-Christ. How do you think the world is going to end?

   I asked my boyfriend tonight if he believes God is going to destroy the world someday. He said, "No. I think man is going to do it to themselves."

   I think so too.

   We are too far gone to save ourselves. Society is damned, simply because we don't speak up when we need to, we don't act on the things that need to be done immediately, and we just don't give a shit about things that affect us. I was reading a fictional book last week about a demon takeover that took place in present-day America. It was a bit of a let-down, really: the kid in the story recruited his mother and practically his whole family in order to save the world from a demon prince that was hell-bent and determined, if you'll pardon the pun, to make humans slaves to the filthy beasts of the underworld. In the end, we lost.

   I think the only thing left for us to do is to serve ourselves, protect those we love, and pray that the end comes when we as individuals are long gone.

   It's too late to do anything to save the world now, because the world does not want to be saved. How can you save a drowning person when they refuse to take your hand? You don't. You let them float out to the farthest tendrils of the sea....and you watch them float away.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Addicted to Love

   I really pity people who are so uncomfortable with themselves that they have to be with a partner, be it a man, a woman, a farm animal, a family member...whatever. And I don't necessarily mean in a sexual way. I just mean that these people cannot be alone. Ever.

   My mother is one of these people. She has been through a whirlwind of horrible, disjointed, disfunctional relationships ever since I can remember, the one with my father included. She just can't find someone suited to her needs. Why? Because she doesn't know what her needs are. Her only conceivable need is "a man". Or at least, a person to talk to her all the time, coddle her, and listen to her problems. Her self-esteem is very low, and it will probably always be that way because she hasn't found the strength to learn to love herself.

   I was just reading the blog of someone I used to live with, and she is much the same way. She recently got married to a guy she's barely known a year, simply because he asked her. Maybe this girl and my mother need to live together? I don't know.

   I used to hate myself. But I love myself now, and I learned to love myself before I got into the relationship that I have now, which is a very happy one. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years, and I love him very much. I wasn't even looking for a relationship in the oh-so-hungry-hyena way (that my mother and the recently married crazy bitch are famous for) when I met my boyfriend. It just kind of happened by accident. But it would never have worked out if I couldn't face myself in the mirror when I was single and say, "I'm OK with me."

   Remember that. It may be the most important lesson of your life. It was for me.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Having a Blast

   I grew up learning how to shoot with handguns. I've always preferred them over rifles and shotguns, simply because of the simplicity of a pistol---you can throw it in your purse, in a backpack, or hide it somewhere if need be. Not that I'm encouraging anybody to do anything illegal, mind you---this applies only to people who have a legally obtained concealed carry permit. I'm just saying, I'd have a hard time finding a place to hide a rifle as opposed to hiding a handgun. I like something convenient.

   The kickback on a shotgun or a rifle can be a pain in the ass. Nothing hurts my shoulder worse. Of course, the kickback on a handgun can cause injury to your fingers. I've experienced that personally in my time.

   I guess it's all what you get used to. I did shoot a couple of .22s tonight though, so I think I may end up purchasing one of those. One was bolt action, the other was semi-automatic. They weren't loud, the kickback wasn't bad at all---but they do jam fairly easily, that's the only thing. I'm not fond of prying ammo out of a rifle.
   The .380 has always been one of my favorites, though. The lady's purse gun, I believe some call it. Now that is a powerful little bitch, and she has pretty intense kickback for a handgun.

   I don't know yet; I haven't decided. Someday when I'm financially able, I'll probably have a lot of both handguns and rifles or shotguns. If you have a favorite, feel free to share.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Hungry Demon

   Anxiety is like a hungry demon. It gnaws at your nerves and sits in your brain, heavy and solid like a brick. It causes you to fear what you normally wouldn't give a second glance. It creates imaginary evils and dangers in your life that probably aren't really there. It causes you to overreact, sweat, have heart palpitations, and worry everyone else around you about things that probably don't matter in the first place.

   In the end, you have to think of it this way: you can only do so much. You are one person, and people were born to make mistakes. Nobody is perfect. So when the sun sets and you get ready for bed, as long as you know that you did the best you could---that's all that matters. Whatever happens after that, happens. If something is meant to be, you're not going to be able to stop it anyway, more than likely.

   Yes, to a certain extent---I believe in fate.

   I also believe that if you aren't careful, if you allow life to seep inside your head and create those demons of anxiety, hungry for your peace of mine---you'll never survive.

   But I am going to survive, folks. How about you?

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Quote Me Not; Quote These Folks Instead...

"To avoid criticism say nothing, do nothing, and be nothing."---Aristotle

"Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds."---Albert Einstein

"Nature is beautiful...until something gets its guts ripped open."---my boyfriend

"2839 fucking o'clock. I hate stupid people."---my best friend

"I want a fuckin' dollar, not a dick."---my 2nd mama See

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Pseudo-Authority Figures (And Why They're More Pathetic Than Your Local Hobo)

   Today I'm going to touch on a topic that's been eating away at me for a couple of weeks now. I'm not going to delve too deeply into it, but just share a few theories and a few examples to back them up.

   We've all had them in our lives at one time or another. The older woman who feels like she has a right to tell you how many times to fuck your husband because she thinks she's your mom. The husband or boyfriend who tries to map out every move you make because he's either consciously or subconsciously trying to fill the role of your father. And then at work, you have the people who have been given positions of very limited authority, if any at all, who try to be your boss.

   My theories? Women who try to tell you what to do are trying to make up for lost time with their own children. They are trying to fix what they believe went wrong in their own children by trying to force you to be their "kid".

   Men who try to tell you what to do, especially the ones who fill a romantic role in your life but are trying to do otherwise, have a problem with their masculinity. They figure telling you what to do will make them feel like their balls are heavier than the average male's. "Why aren't they trying to pretend to be my father like the example you used above?" you may ask. "That sounds awfully sexist to me."

   Well, it's not. But if you want to think that, go right ahead. I won't stop you.

   The answer to that is: I've never met a man who wanted to be someone else's father. Men have enough trouble filling their biological roles as fathers as it is. Why would they want to pick up "children" that don't belong to them already?
   Women are inclined to have maternal instincts, so this is why I give these theories. Of course, some women are just downright nosy as fuck. That's another reason why they like to tell you what to do.

   And for the last example, my favorite: the people at work who try to be your pseudo-boss with pseudo-authority. They are usually workaholics who have no hobbies, no intelligence, no other outlets in which to purge their stress. They figure if they can pretend like they're important enough to boss you around, their life has some meaning. Even hobos have hobbies. They sit on street corners, drink wine, and like to convince you to buy them some more. See? Pathetic!!

   The best way to handle all of these people? Tell them politely to fuck off. If that doesn't work, tell them outright to fuck off. Nobody has a right to tell you what to do except your parents, and that's only until you're 18. Once you get of "legal age", you're an adult and you should be making your own decisions. Even if they turn out to be mistakes, they are yours to make.

   I only suggest listening to police officers and your actual boss, and that's only if they are telling you the "right" things to do. Your heart, even if it is as black as mine, will always lead you in the right direction with that one.

Monday, August 29, 2011

The Dark Passenger Rides Again

   I absolutely love the television show Dexter that comes on Showtime. However, I do not have Showtime and I never intend to get it because I consider most of their programming inferior. So I wait for it to come out on DVD and then I Netflix it or buy it, as in the most recent case with Season 5.

   I would consider this season to be the best one yet. For those of you who do not follow the show, I highly suggest you backtrack and check out Seasons 1-4 as well as Season 5. If you're confused about anything I'm about to say concerning this particular season, feel free to do some research so you're not left in the dark.

   I've always felt a bit of a kinship with Dexter, and I think that he is probably one of the most sympathetic and human characters ever shown on television. He berates himself constantly and considers himself a monster because of the people that he kills---but he kills people who truly are monsters. Child molesters, serial killers, and the rest of the low-life scum of the Earth become science projects for Dexter's table where he stabs them into their final oblivion.

   He cannot be considered a monster just because he kills people. He's a vigilante, most definitely, but with the legal system being as fucked up as it is, you can't blame someone for wanting to rid the world of shit. You also can't blame someone for trying to exorcise their demons the only way they know how. Some people drink, some people do drugs. Dexter just happens to murder people who murder innocents. He's doing the world a favor, so he cannot be considered a monster.

   He has also found avenues of showing affection and self-sacrifice, and even love. That's not something a psychopath is capable of in any form. He finds a love interest in this particular season, and her name is Lumen. For awhile, the audience is convinced that she is going to stay, be his partner in crime, and help him exorcise his demons while she simultaneously tries to be rid of her own.
   But then she finds that she is healed a lot sooner than Dexter, and her "dark passenger" is no longer with her anymore. So she leaves. And with her leaves a sense of stability, of Dexter finally being able to trust someone and know that a person can know the "real" him and not run away.

   I was overwhelmed with sympathy for his character after finishing up Season 5 with my boyfriend yesterday, and I really hope they bring Lumen back to Dexter. I think everyone deserves to have someone who they feel understands them. Even so-called "monsters".

Friday, August 26, 2011

Flirting With (Natural) Disaster

   People love a good natural disaster, especially the people that live in the small, shitty little village that I unfortunately call home at the moment. It seems as though every summer, they're talking about thunderstorms. Their eyes turn to full moons and they stand around, with their lips quivering and their mouths agape: "It's gonna rain! It's gonna rain! The power's gonna go out!"

   And then fall comes, aka hurricane season. Even though I live about 200 miles away from the beach, people at work today and yesterday were still sitting around, lips and mouths moving idiotically to the tunes of, "Be careful! A hurricane's a'coming! We're gonna get it!"

   When Christmas is over and we're all yearning for the sticky sweet heat of summer, people are going to do pretty much the same thing, except their moronic stares are going to come from beneath parkas and wool caps. "It's gonna snow! We're gonna get a blizzard!"

   It's like when you're driving down the interstate and suddenly traffic starts creeping along. You wonder what the hell is going on, figuring there must be an accident. Usually there isn't, but if the vehicles in front of you think for a second that there might be a dead body, some blood, or even a broken leg to behold...rubbernecking will commence and the usual twenty minute drive will take about an hour.

   We as human beings crave disaster. The more bored and desolate our lives, the more we crave it. I think that's why the people in my home town freak out with glee every time something like Irene occurs. Sure, there's going to be some wind and probably a bit of rain...but that happens all the time. It's called regular, run-of-the-mill weather. It's called life.

   So keep that in mind the next time someone you know starts building up an upcoming weather event to be something apocalyptic. They're probably just very, very jaded with life and want something horrible to happen to them to brighten their day. It sounds crazy, but usually the most crazy sounding of theories turn out to be true.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

How I Love Thee, Phantasmagore...

   Deadsy has been one of my favorite bands since I was a young, moshing lass decked out in spike bracelets with handcuffs attached to my oversized, baggy pants. I first saw them live when I was 16 years old, and it was probably one of the most amazing live shows I've ever seen. Granted, I was coming down off of an alcohol buzz in Greenville, SC that evening, (for some reason, the ancient, wrinkled crone handing out Budweiser bracelets gave me one), but it was a great experience. I ended up taking tons of photos from my second row perch, but I was unable to see any of them because some asshole stole my camera during the show. I'm smart these days; I keep my camera looped around my wrist. That way, if anybody tries to take it, it doubles up as a weapon. I'm all for every day items that can double up as weapons.

   Anyhoo, back to Deadsy. They're on a bit of a hiatus at the moment, and I'm not quite sure why. They're very talented, delving into a genre of music that lead singer Elijah Blue calls "undercore". He is the son of Cher and Greg Allman, so it's hard not to be talented when you come from such excellent genes. But he's also crazy due to his genes; he once revealed that he took a swim in the lake of Paris Hilton unprotected, and scrubbed his cock with Tilex to wash off the offending nastiness he figured he must've contracted. I shit you not about that one; google it if you don't believe me.

   Their first album, Commencement, is not fabulous. The only songs I really like on it are "Key to Gramercy Park" and "She Likes Big Words". Their second and maybe even final album, Phantasmagore, is about fifteen steps up from their first. There are more guitars as opposed to synthesizers, the lyrics are a little more easy to digest, and their cover of the Stones' "Paint It Black" is better than the original, in my not-so-humble opinion.

   So what is Deadsy up to nowadays? After a change in line-up and the announcement of their taking a break, Elijah Blue has since moved to Germany and is allegedly working on a solo project by the name of Elijah Blue and The Trapezoids. I believe this to be an occult reference due to what I know of Elijah; I think he's big into Aleister Crowley and the Order of the Trapezoid, but don't quote me on that.

   If you're interested in checking it out, go to YouTube and look up some of the sample songs from Elijah Blue and The Trapezoids. This material has the potential to be bigger and better than anything Deadsy ever released.

  Also, if you're a bit of a deviant, check out the single "Itsy Bitsy Titsy Girl" by Deadsy. That was one of the first songs I was ever introduced to by them, and it is horribly wonderful and funny. I put it on a mixed CD and played it at one of my then-best-friends' sixteenth birthday parties. I don't want to ruin the surprise of the meaning of the lyrics, so that's all I'm gonna say.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Why Being Nice is Bad For Your Health

                People who say they get warm, fuzzy feelings when they do good deeds for others are probably mistaking that sensation for menstrual cramps. Yes, men too; I don’t care what anybody says. Doing good deeds for people you don’t know does NOT give you a sense of pride and accomplishment unless your brain is made of popsicle sticks.
                In actuality, if you’re willing to admit it to yourself and accept your inner cackling demon, doing horrible things to people makes you feel good about yourself. Think about it this way: you’re in Walmart, and you have to go get a bottle of multi-vitamins because you recently had the flu and you’re trying to build up your immune system. You’re weak, tired, and a little cranky…and reasonably so. You want to get in and get out, so to speak. You only  have one thing on your list. So what’s going to be the issue you deal with today?
                Well, pals and neighbors, you’re going to end up running smack dab into an 8-year-old little shit who’s wearing Healys (those God-forsaken shoes with little wheels on them to maximize aggravation for everyone but the child). That Healy-hellion is going to run into you, cause you to trip and fall because of your dizziness due to a recent illness, and you are going to tumble onto the hard linoleum floor of Walmart and possibly bust open a kneecap.
                “Sorry!” the little kid will sheepishly smile, and that smile will tell you what he’s really thinking: that he’s not sorry at all. Why? He had no proper raising. But that’s another blog for another time. I digress.
                You can’t possibly tell me that if you start carrying around a bag of marbles in your pocket and if you take out said marbles and accidentally-on-purpose dump them onto the floor near a child wearing Healys in Walmart that you will not giggle like a demented schoolgirl when they tumble to the floor and skin their knees, boo-hooing and braying like the sheep that they are.
                If you tell me no on this one, you’re lying. And everybody knows Jesus hates liars.
                The next time you have something that you want, try being mean about it instead of being nice. I guarantee you’ll get positive results. People respond to mean; they take advantage of nice. If you learn nothing else from me, learn that, please.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Jimmy Cracked Corn (Over Your Effin Head)

   My head has been in a very dark place lately. That's the only way to describe it. Regardless, I'm going to try to keep this blog as interesting and educational as possible for you, my dear readers. Part of the reason why I started this blog in the first place is because A) I fancy myself a writer. And I'm not the only one; I've written countless stories and poems, songs and even a novel and a couple of compilations of short stories that people have read, loved, or hated. B) I hate the fact that some people I know live the most boring lives ever and document them via the internet and try to push them on everyone else, like a coke dealer in a back alley trying to make the rent. "Hey, man, I've got an 8 ball for ya! I know you're not interested, but..."

   I think if I had been born in another century, I would've been burned at the stake as a witch, mostly because I like to dabble and study up on occult practices that make most people cringe. I don't believe in that happy-slappy, dancing-through-fields-and-asking-Mother-Nature's-permission-to-pick-a-leaf bullshit either. I believe in serving yourself, not being apologetic about it, and stepping on anybody's toes who gets in your way.

   Floating cinders spread fast, and so will word of how much of a bitch I am here, I'm sure.

   Bottom line, I'm going to do my best not to bore you with what my nail polish collection consists of, or the fact that I collect a certain type of purse, or the fact that I like to bake fattening foods to stuff between my fat jowls.

   My jowls are not fat, I don't like to bake, I don't have a nail polish collection, and I don't collect certain types of purses. That was a stab against someone I know who keeps the most horseshit excuse of a blog ever. I read it at work when I'm bored and I have nothing better to do but laugh at how pathetic she is and how she thinks the whole world is fascinated with every detail of her lowly, domesticated existence.

   No, I will be telling you how I feel about certain topics on a daily basis. I will not sugar-coat anything. I speak my mind about religion, politics, people, society, music, movies, and life in general. I hope you're prepared. If not, feel free not to read this. It won't hurt my feelings either way.

   But for those of you who are brave enough to listen and commiserate with me, welcome. Let's talk about something interesting. This blog may end up being a big collection of rejected editorials. That was my favorite thing about journalism in high school, and my teacher thought if she published what I wrote, I would seem "pathetic to my fellow students". Really, she was just afraid of being brutally honest and didn't want me to have the luxury of doing so either. So fuck her. Among others.

   Feel free to give me suggestions about stuff you'd like me to talk about, although I have a feeling I'm going to never run out of things to talk about. I'm a very opinionated person, you see. And I don't consider my opinions to be any more correct or "right" than anyone else's.

   I just have way more balls than your dad probably does, that's all.